The evening after my first date with Jeff, he carried me into the house instead of Melody. When he put me into my bed he leaned in kissing me on the lips. My heart began going a bazillion beats per minute. I had never kissed anyone on the lips before, I didn’t know how it was supposed to be done. The only people I ever remembered kissing before were my relatives and those were quick pecks on the cheeks. Was I doing it wrong?
I had basically no time to react though. So I puckered up, and kissing back really quickly, I then leaned back immediately. The kiss did feel right. However, I probably would have enjoyed it a lot more had I felt confident in my kissing abilities. I made a mental note that I would have to ask Melody to give me a crash course in kissing.
“Today was awesome,” Jeff told me.
“Yeah, it really was,” I agreed. “I’m so happy to be dating you now,” I told him. ‘This feels so right.”
Taking Things Slow
“We’ll take it slow too,” Jeff promised me. “I know that you’re a virgin, and don’t want to push you into doing anything you don’t want to do. It’s taking everything in me to resist. I’m so in love with you that I can’t wait to climb inside you.
“Thanks for understanding that I do want to take things slow,” I told him.
Yeah, I know,” he sighed, but then smiled.
“Can I get in bed with you?” Jeff asked me. “We could both stay fully dressed. If I got too close to any body part, you could just tell me. Even if I touched you anyway that made you uncomfortable you could just tell me. Then you could tell me if you wanted me to get out of bed, or just stop touching you there.”
“I would love to have you get in bed with me,’ I told him.
My body ached for close contact with his firm muscular body that smelled so clean, like his Aqua Reef Old Spice deodorant and cologne. His touch was so gentle to me yet knew how to make me feel so safe and protected. At the same time, it sent chills of excitement down my spine.
I grabbed the controller for my hospital bed. Then I lowered it back down again. Jeff pulled aside the “Trolls” comforter and climbed in with me. Once he was in, I put the bed up higher again. That way Melody could reach me for nighttime routine. I also sat the bed up in a little more of an upright position.
“This bed is actually pretty comfortable,” Jeff said. “I thought it was going to feel like one of those awful beds they have in the hospital. This is actually nice though.”
Loving and Kissing
He slid his arm behind my shoulders and pulled me toward him in a hug.
“You have no idea how happy you make me. I have been in love with you from the moment I laid eyes on you. When I first saw you when you came for your tour, I poked my old housemate. Then I whispered over to him.
‘That right there is one beautiful girl, I have got to get to know her’.”
Smiling to myself, I leaned against Jeff, putting my head against his chest. I could hear his heart going thump-thump, thump-thump at a nice content pace. Jeff stroked the top of my head and leaned in to kiss me.
“I love you so much too,” I told him. “I loved you from the moment I saw you too. When I saw you give Karl your shirt and even help him change into it. That was the clincher for me.”
“All right you two little love birds. Now that I’ve completed my job of playing matchmaker, I’ve got to do my other job. I’ve got to get some meds into Becca,” Melody interrupted.
Kisser-in-Training
Later that night, after Jeff had gone home to take his own meds, I brought up the whole issue of kissing on the lips with Melody. She gave me the rundown on all the different styles of kissing. There was the firm-press-hard-back kiss, the light-gentle-brush-of-lips kiss, the sensual-long-sucking-on-each other’s-lips-but-not-pressing-too-hard-kiss, the quick-little-peck-and-release-on-the-lips kiss, and the French kiss.
Then she had me practice kissing my build-a-bears while she observed and gave me tips.
“Just a little more closing of the mouth.”
“Press your mouth against his lips a little harder.”
“Try to keep your lips locked on a little longer.”
“Get a little more tongue action in.”
By the time Melody had finished my kissing training, I felt so much more prepared to kiss Jeff and actually enjoy it.
Hugging, Kissing, Loving, and Fireworks
During the rest of September Jeff continued to come to my apartment every day. Only now, he would immediately climb in bed when he got there. Then we would snuggle for a little while, and I would put my kissing training to work. Now that I knew how to kiss, it felt like melting into Jeff and becoming one with him. His kisses made fireworks go off inside me. They would be a spectacular show of brilliant explosions in reds, blues, purples, pinks, oranges, and greens. The fireworks would send chills through me that made me want to connect with him even more. They made me never want to stop kissing and hugging him.
We would watch movies together that were still in theaters. He knew how to get them before they were even released. Together we would play games on the laptop that he knew how to magnify on the TV. I would share my latest writing projects with him. He was always asking when I was going to write about him. Over and over I explained that I was writing about the past and had not gotten to 2016 yet. How I wish I had written about him earlier. So, I could read aloud to him how much I cherished him, and how much he meant to me.
We would just talk about how much we loved each other and trade stories about our crazy pasts. The whole time we would be cuddled together in my bed, hugging and kissing.
Wanting to go Further
I was afraid to go further because, with my Judaism, sex before marriage is a no-no. But I was starting to feel like maybe Jeff was the one. My feelings for him ran so deeply that I could never imagine myself with anyone else.
“I started dating Jeff,” I told my mom.
“Jeff!” my mom exclaimed like I was crazy. “He’s over fifteen years older than you.”
“I know, but age is just a number once your past 21,” I told her, echoing Melody’s statements.
“I guess,” my mom agreed, not fully endorsing our relationship.
“He is making me feel the happiest I have ever felt in my life,” I went on to explain. “I feel like I have someone besides family that really cares for me unconditionally. He will support me no matter what. When I’m with him I feel so calm and accepted. We never run out of things to do or stuff to talk about. I think in the future I might think about marrying him.”
“Well, that’s jumping the gun a little bit, don’t you think,” My mom said.
“I guess,” I thought about my diagnoses and Jeff’s diagnoses. My braid red-alerted how we didn’t know how much time either of us had left. However, I didn’t want to bring it up and upset my mom.
Jeff and my Stubborn Family
“If we were going to get married would you support that?” I asked.
“Well, is he Jewish?” she asked.
Oh no. I hadn’t thought about that.
“Well, how would you feel about us just dating?” I asked my mom.
“I would be in support of that much, especially because I see how happy he makes you. Plus, he’s such a kind, funny, creative, smart, understanding person that would bend over backward to help you. Your grandparents, and your aunts, uncles, and cousins, would not be comfortable having you date someone who isn’t Jewish. I don’t think they would be able to see past that.
Jeff and Converting
“I’d be prepared to convert to Judaism so that your family can accept us as a couple.,” Jeff told me after I broached the topic of my phone call with my mom. After I brought it up while we were lying in bed snuggled together. As we were talking about ideas for our next big date.
“Are you sure?” I asked him incredulously. “I mean this is a big undertaking. It will probably take at least a year or more to fully convert and it’s a lot of hard work.”
“If this is what I need to do to be with you, then I’m doing it, no questions asked. You are the most important thing in my life right now. Just so you know, you are probably the only reason I haven’t gone back to drinking at this point.”
I leaned in, kissing him, he tasted like minty fresh mouthwash and Sour Patch Kids candy.
Jeff Going to Shul with Me
“Maybe you can start going to Shul (synagogue) with me on Saturdays,” I suggested. “We can also set up a meeting with the Rabbi to find out what you need to do to convert.”
“If that’s what it takes, then that’s what I’ll do,” Jeff told me.
I had a hard time picturing him sitting through a whole synagogue service. Not without talking, or getting up and walking around, and making witty comments about anything he found funny there.
Jeff must have seen my face.
“I’ll behave myself,” he promised me, “I really will. You’ll see me on my best behavior.” He made his eyes all big and innocent and batted his eyelashes. Whenever he did that I called it “making his “Lovey Dovey” eyes.
“Oh man Jeffy, now you really have me sure that this is a good idea. You know I can’t resist the Lovey Dovey eyes,” I told him.
Jeff’s First Trip to Shul
The first time Jeff went to synagogue with me I could tell that he was a little nervous. Lauren came to get me ready that morning. While I was still shy about it, I no longer kicked Jeff out of the room when I got changed. His gaze would fall on my breast. Then his eyes would get really big and focused on them. He would smile and bounce up and down with excitement exclaiming how beautiful I was. I kind of liked it. For the longest time, I had been so ashamed of my body. From below the chest down I was little and child-sized but from the chest up I was built larger. It just didn’t match up, but Jeff thought I was perfect just the way I was.
Once I was all dressed up in a pretty pink and purple striped dress and pink cardigan. Lauren helped me transfer into my wheelchair. My IV bags and tube feed bags and pumps were hanging from the IV pole, the drainage bag clipped to the front of my wheelchair, and my emergency just-in-case oxygen was hanging from the back with a nasal cannula looped around it.
Lauren grabbed my purse and phone for me, and we headed toward the door.
The handicapped bus would pick us up at the front of the main building at 9:30 AM.
Muscles Harford
“I can push her up the hill and take over from here,” Jeff told Lauren. Once she’d carried me down the stairs and put me back in my wheelchair.
“You sure?” Lauren asked him
“Yeah I don’t mind at all,” Jeff said as he began pushing me up the hill toward the main building. He didn’t even grunt or pant the whole way up. Even though Jeff had spent the last two years of his life in a coma and then in hospitals, nursing homes, rehabs, and now the assisted living, his muscles were huge and well defined in his arms like he lifted weights and worked out for hours a day every day. He hadn’t been working out at all except for lifting me sometimes,
No one would ever know that all he did was eat candy, chips, and subs, and lie in bed. His only exercise was watching movies, playing video games, and just talking, kissing, and cuddling. I couldn’t even imagine what he had looked like in high school when he actually was working out every day. No wonder everyone had called him “Muscles Harford.”.
When we got to the main building we said our respective hellos to everyone. Then we waited near the window for the purple bus. It pulled up exactly on time and Jeff pushed me out down the ramp toward the lift to get on the bus. I handed the driver my $2.50 ticket and explained to him that Jeff was my escort. This allowed Jeff to ride with me for free.
The Beauty of Communal Prayer
At Shul (synagogue), I showed Jeff the head coverings called Kippahs. All men had to wear them before going into the sanctuary. Jeff grumbled a little bit about putting it on, but I reminded him that this was part of being Jewish. He stopped grumbling, put it on, and pushed me inside.
We sat in my usual spot in the back row. That way I could get out of there fast if a pump started alarming or if I started feeling sick. Then I handed Jeff a Siddur (Prayer book) and I picked one up as well.
The service had already started, but I could tell by listening which Hebrew prayer we were on. I quickly found the page and then helped Jeff find the page.
“You guys read backward,” Jeff said.
“No, Hebrew was around way before English, English reads backward,” I corrected him.
I kept my finger following along on the Hebrew prayers. At the same time I put my finger in Jeff’s Siddur (Prayer Book). I followed along the same prayers in his just in English.
The woman leading the first part of the Sabbath morning prayer service sang out in a beautiful voice. My voice and the voices of the whole congregation joined together as one beautiful song to ask God for peace, health, wellness, hope, love, healing, and more.
As we sang I felt a deep connection with all the Jews before me going back thousands of years that had sung these same prayers. I felt a connection with everyone in the community who were all singing along with me. We were all asking for the same prayers. There was a connection I felt within myself that I was part of such a beautiful Jewish community going back through to my infancy and thousands of years before. In addition, I felt a connection with God. A connection like he was filling me with a lightness as I prayed these prayers. It felt like God acknowledged them and took some of the load off of my shoulders. Now I felt like I could breathe a little easier and be slightly less weighed down than I had been before.
Sharing the Torah Service With Jeff
Even Jeff seemed touched by the prayer service. Most of the prayers were in Hebrew but the tunes were catchy and moving. There is also something transformative about having a whole roomful of people all praying together. Jeff watched and listened intently as we sang certain prayers. Then we removed the Torah scrolls that contain the five books of Moses from the beautiful wooden ark. The ark that was designed in wood like the tree of life. As they said the prayers and opened the ark everyone rose to their feet. I encouraged Jeff to do the same. I of course had to stay in my wheelchair.
With everyone still standing, they carried the Torah scrolls up and down the aisles of the synagogue. The Torah scrolls were dressed in a velvet cover and a fancy crown. I demonstrated to Jeff kissing the spine of the Siddur. Then touching it to the Torah as it passed by. Everyone wished the person carrying the Torah and the Rabbi fallowing him a “Shabbat Shalom” (a good/peaceful/happy Sabbath).
After the Torah was brought up and down the aisles, they laid it on a table at the pulpit. People took turns coming up to bless the Torah and then read a portion of the weekly reading. We put our Siddurs away and took out a Chumash (a book with the five books of Moses written in
I helped Jeff follow along by keeping one finger on the Hebrew that was being read aloud by different members of the congregation, and one finger on Jeff’s Chumash on the English translation.
The only time in the whole service that Jeff got fidgety and looked like he was going to get himself into trouble was during Musaf. The Musaf part of the service is the silent prayers that come after the Rabbi’s speech. Jeff stepped out for a moment, and I knew he was going out to have a cigarette but I didn’t say anything, he’d been so good for the other parts of the service.
When he came back in, we were just doing the ending prayers which were all upbeat tunes and singing, he seemed to enjoy those.
Introducing Jeff to Rabbi Daniel
After the service was over, the two of us approached the Rabbi.
“Hi Rabbi Daniel,” I said, “I wanted you to meet my boyfriend Jeff,” The words felt so strange rolling off my tongue. ‘My boyfriend Jeff’. But they felt so right.
“Hi Jeff,” Rabbi Daniel smiled warmly at him and put out his hand. Jeff gave him one of his super firm handshakes and smiled at him too. “What did you think of the service?” Rabbi Daniel asked him.
“Well, I don’t speak Hebrew so it was a little hard to follow. But I liked the tunes and I thought it was a beautiful service. I love all of the rituals, and I see how happy it makes Becca.
“Jeff is interested in converting to Judaism,” I told Rabbi Daniel.
“That’s a big commitment.” Rabbi Daniel said.
“I really want to though. I see how happy Judaism makes Becca, and I want something like that in my life.”
“If you’re really serious about it, we’ll set up a meeting to go over the steps that you would need to go through to convert.” Rabbi Daniel told Jeff.
Jeff smiled his famous impish smile.
“Keep coming to services with Becca every week too, the more you come, the more you’ll learn.” Rabbi David added.
“I can do that,” Jeff said.
On the bus ride on the way home, I had to ask it.
Jeff’s View on Conversion to Judaism
“What did you really think Jeff?”
“Well, it was a really long service and I wish it was shorter. I also wish I could have understood more, but what I understood I really liked, and I really did like all the singing. It was especially cool hearing you sing the prayers. I could tell you put your whole heart into it. The more I see of your Judaism and how happy it really makes you, the more I want to convert just because it seems like a good idea. Not just to get in your pants.” He told me.
I laughed at that last part. What a typical Jeff comment.